


Careful Not to Fall, Have to Climb Your Wall

by jojothecr



Series: Change of Season 'Verse [4]
Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: F/M, M/M, Written in 2010
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-07-07
Updated: 2011-07-07
Packaged: 2017-10-21 03:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/220350
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jojothecr/pseuds/jojothecr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sequel to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/works/220337">It Seemed a Place for Us to Dream</a><br/><em>One day before Jensen's wedding...</em></p>
            </blockquote>





	Careful Not to Fall, Have to Climb Your Wall

She weaves her way through the veil of the long curtains fluttering in the breeze, and steps across the threshold, wincing at the squeaky noise the timbers make underneath her shoe.

“Jensen?”

A long, heavy sigh leads her gaze to the corner of the balcony where his dark figure contrasts with the white-painted wall behind him. Head bowed, he seems to be much further away than just the few inches that divide them.

She smiles sadly, knowing his skulking tendencies so well. He likes shadows, the darkest corners. Always has. They’re made for hiding and he loves to hide. From her, from him. From the truth and from a world that doesn’t approve.

“Are you okay?” She asks softly as she sits down beside him; not too far and not too close either, because he looks like he could use some space right now.

“Yeah.”

“I met Jared. In the lobby, he looked...” _Devastated. And a lot like you._ “Well... he didn’t look like his usual cheerful self.”

“No.”

He doesn’t look at her, not even briefly, not a passing glance. Elbows resting on his spread knees, he watches the city lights twinkling in between the bars of the wooden rail.

She studies his profile in the twilight; the troubled lines creasing his forehead and the thoughtful pout on his lips, desperately wishing she could see behind those walls, and the masks he puts on so damn often, and know what’s going on underneath, deep down. Then wondering if she’s really that strong to accept all the unmasked secrets.

“Did... something happen?” She inquires, surprised to find her voice so weak and basically shaking.  
She knows, has always known, but it doesn’t make it any easier. “Be-between you two?”

Jensen turns his head to the side a little, meeting her eyes finally. He stares at her pensively, like he’s pondering whether now is the time for lies, or for honesty.

“I kissed him, Dani,” he admits then; his voice no stronger than a whisper, and rough. He sighs and looks away again, staring down at the floor. “I kissed him goodbye.”

She nods, then bites her lip thoughtfully. “Jensen, if you’re not sure. If you’re not ready... we can still call it off. We don’t need to rush it, you know that.”

“No.”

“Jensen.”

He raises his head to look at her; his eyes are dark, glistening with unshed tears, and so sad. “If you ignore the fact that my mom would tear me to shreds...Very slowly and painfully... if I didn’t, I really do want to marry you.” He finds her hand and runs his thumb over the ring on her finger. “I meant it when I asked you... and I mean it now. I wanna have kids with you. I love you, I’m just...” He trails off, looking for the right words. For the few words they both know.

“In love with Jared, too.” She finishes for him, feeling her heart give a painful beat as the first tear slips over the barrier of his eyelashes and rolls down his cheek.  
Cowboys don’t cry. But even cowboys get the blues sometimes.

“I didn’t mean for it to happen.”

“Of course you didn’t, silly.” She smiles as she reaches out, brushing the annoying teardrop away. “You don’t get to plan who you fall in love with. It just happens... And sometimes it goddamn hurts.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Don’t be, if this is what you want. If you’re sure that it’s not out of spite... Just because Jared did it.”

“It’s not out of spite,” he replies quietly. “Though it is because of Jared. I guess... He took that step. He decided it for both of us.”

“Jensen, I... I might regret this one day. No, I’m actually pretty sure I will, but... if you ever change your mind. I mean, with you and Jared. If you ever... you know?”  
Jensen apparently knows, though he stares at her like she’s just lost her mind. She thinks he might be actually right.  
“I want you to tell me. I want you to be honest with me.”

“Dani...”

“You never know,” she objects, stopping any of his possible promises and vows she’s not sure he can keep. “And if that happens... I wanna know. I can deal with the truth. I think I can deal with you two.” _I think I’ve been doing just that for the last two years._ “But I don’t want lies between us... I know you love him... and I know you want him. I can see why. Just as much as I can see why he wants you.”

 _I saw you two together. Once. Then I finally understood why you were always late for the convention breakfasts..._

 _Jeans undone and hips canting forward, towards Jared and his lips kissing the drops of water off his stomach. Jensen’s head flung back, eyes closed, fingers entangled in the wild mess of Jared’s damp hair..._

 _You were never more beautiful. You never looked freer or more comfortable in that one moment there, with him... I want to see you that happy again._

“I love you, and I can’t truly imagine anyone else beside you but me, but I can’t stand the idea that I’m making you unhappy... We used to be friends. I hope we still are. And that we always will be... And that you’ll trust me and tell me how you feel... Always.”

Jensen shakes his head in a dazed disbelief, “You can’t be real.”

“Oh, I am real,” she grins, for a second. “And I will really kick your pretty little ass you if you go back to Jared, but... that’s also all I can do. I can’t keep you if you want to go.”

“I wish I could--” He starts, but then he pauses again, correcting himself with an understanding nod. “I know I should tell you that it’s not gonna happen...”

“You can’t... and we both know that. You’ve always been a terrible liar anyway.”  
Jensen’s eyes can’t lie. They say everything. Always. Especially when he doesn’t want them to. “Promise me that you’ll tell me.”

“’Kay.”

“Okay... You wanna be alone?”

“If you don’t mind.”

“Of course not... Girls’ night, I bet they’ve already managed to strip the bartender. And if not, then I’d hate to miss it.”

Jensen smiles, and reaches out to brush the strands of dark hair out of her eyes gently. “Have fun.”

“Good night.” She leans in and kisses him. It’s a short kiss, more like a brushing of lips, but she’d still swear that she can taste Jared. And she thinks that he’ll always be there. On Jensen’s lips. In his eyes. Forever locked in Jensen’s heart. She knows that she can’t fight that. And that she might just as well stop trying.


End file.
